Exploring the depths of gratitude

I reminisce the charming little girl that I was, dreamy grey eyes that would twinkle to see my dearest dad getting me my favourite dairy milk chocolate. I would run towards him like a typical child, take the chocolate, hug him, and quickly move on to open the tempting silky chocolate.

I grew up a little, moved to college and yet, not much changed with this trait. It was my 18th birthday and I wanted to throw a party to my college friends at McDonald’s. It fills me with tears of emotions as my Maa gave me 1000 Rs to party from her precious savings, that made no difference to her and yet bringing all the difference to her darling daughter. I hugged her, thanked Maa and ran to college all excited about the evening celebrations.

I never realised if there was anything wrong with this trait of mine. Gratitude is the mother of all virtues, we all have heard it myriad of times and yet, this feeling of immense gratitude had never touched me. I would write and maintain gratitude journals, but it seemed all superficial initially. I did it because my mentor asked me to do once, and I decided to continue doing so.

My Guru had once mentioned in HIS satsang that I want you to feel grateful till the moment you’re moved to tears. Well, the thought of it itself appealed me and I desired to feel the emotion, but it never poured in until my first spiritual retreat with my Guru Mahatria.

In HIS presence as my life flashed by my eyes, tears streamed, passing it through my cheeks as I drenched in this newfound emotion that I never knew existed! To experience how my lord had conspired to bring me where I am today, to create me, to bless me with a living guru in this lifespan, the strong innate pull that I had felt to be in HIS physical presence. I couldn’t comprehend anything and yet, in that moment I celebrated all that is.

As humans, once we experience a beautiful emotion, our desire to experience it over and over again is natural. Albeit experiencing higher emotion in my guru’s presence is natural too, for I am in HIS physical presence; I never felt the same emotions for quite some time. And yet, my desired stayed, the seeker in me continued to seek this experience again.

This time however, something within me had shifted. As though, my heart had cracked open a golden gate that I never knew, existed. I no more ran away with the toy that I was blessed with, the way I did when I was little. There came in this sense of PAUSE as I experienced everything right and beautiful.

Nominated as ‘Employee of the month’,

I pause and celebrate…

Someone appreciating my writing,

I pause in delight…

A loved one calling to check on me,

I pause in love…

My friends growing in life,

I pause to celebrate their growth…

Looking up at the sky,

Observing the sun melting to nothingness,

A bud sprouting at my backyard,

Or a glimpse of a colourful bird,

I pause to celebrate nature…

In gratitude,

In delight,

To the gifts that I am blessed with…

It was no more, just about the gift, but the giver of the gift that mattered to me. To feel and experience what it must have taken for someone to call and check on me in a fast-paced life, for someone to notice & appreciate my efforts, to feel what it must have taken for my mom to gift me a thousand rupee that she might have planned to gift herself a saree.

My outlook towards life shifted, as a byproduct, as I deepened, noticed, and celebrated all that is beautiful. And after months, as I write today, I experienced tears of gratitude as to how my life has been unfolding. So much is going right for me, sure, there is divine grace over me, helping me grow and experience higher branches of maturity.

Gratitude indeed is a mother of all virtues, for as my guru says –

‘Out of gratitude, love is born,

Out of love, devotion is born,

Out of devotion, surrender is born,

And in surrender, miracles happen…